Worms - The Text Adventure

[WormGod]

Don't worry, the text'll hopefully make up for the lack of graphics.
This is only the late '80s, anyway. I don't know what the big deal is about needing pictures all of a sudden; picture books are for babies, so you are all babies now, yes?
Anyway, on with the adventure.

TEAM17 presents
WORMS - THE TEXT ADVENTURE
An interactive noir text novella featuring characters inspired by TEAM17
© iZii PRODUCTIONS MCMLXXXVII

Please enter some inputs for our custom-tailored naming system:

What is the name of the town the adventure will take place within?
What is the name of the country that town is located in?
What is your character's forename?
What is your character's surname?
Does your character have any other names? If not, skip to 7.
If so, what are they?
Would you like a partner in the adventure? If not, skip to 13.
if so, what would you like your partner in the adventure to have as a forename?
Do you know them well enough to know any other of their names? If not, you can't technically have a good relationship with this partner otherwise this trait would be in use. Skip to 13.
If so, what is their surname?
Also if so, do they have any other names? If not, you have not made a good choice in which partner you wish to acquire. They are clearly not a fully-fledged Roman citizen. Skip to 13.
If so, what are they?
Would you like your character to eat? If not, skip to 15.
If so, what is their favourite foodstuff?

For more custom-tailored names, procure DISK 2 and insert it into your FLOPPY DISK DRIVE after removing DISK 1 from said FLOPPY DISK DRIVE by pressing the FLOPPY DISK DRIVE EJECT BUTTON near to aforementioned FLOPPY DISK DRIVE.

>|

[Plasma]

RANDOM FILLOUT!

What is the name of the town the adventure will take place within? -Online Orgy
What is the name of the country that town is located in? -Team17 Forum
What is your character's forename? -Joe
What is your character's surname? -Forumer
Does your character have any other names? If not, skip to 7. -Yes
If so, what are they? -Regular
Would you like a partner in the adventure? If not, skip to 13. -Yes
if so, what would you like your partner in the adventure to have as a forename? -Timmy
Do you know them well enough to know any other of their names? If not, you can't technically have a good relationship with this partner otherwise this trait would be in use. Skip to 13. -yes
If so, what is their surname? -Newbie
Also if so, do they have any other names? If not, you have not made a good choice in which partner you wish to acquire. They are clearly not a fully-fledged Roman citizen. Skip to 13. -no
Would you like your character to eat? If not, skip to 15. -yes
If so, what is their favourite foodstuff? -Spam

[WormGod]

random fillout!

syntax error!

[Metal Alex]

*smashes head on keyboard*

[minute55]

*Hits himself in face*

I was actually thinking of doing one.Where you actually get somewhere.


1. What is the name of the town the adventure will take place within? The town with no hope
2. What is the name of the country that town is located in? The country of no hope
3. What is your character's forename? Wormgod killer
4. What is your character's surname? No really,I will kill worm god
5. Does your character have any other names? If not, skip to 7. Yes.
6. If so, what are they? I will kill anyone who annoys me.
7. Would you like a partner in the adventure? If not, skip to 13.Yes
8. if so, what would you like your partner in the adventure to have as a forename? Mr evil!
9. Do you know them well enough to know any other of their names? If not, you can't technically have a good relationship with this partner otherwise this trait would be in use. Skip to 13. No.
10. If so, what is their surname?
11. Also if so, do they have any other names? If not, you have not made a good choice in which partner you wish to acquire. They are clearly not a fully-fledged Roman citizen. Skip to 13. No.
12. If so, what are they?
13. Would you like your character to eat? If not, skip to 15. No.
14. If so, what is their favourite foodstuff?

[Plasma]

syntax error!
>Throw floppy out window.
>Never speak of game again.

>When forums are created, moan about how the first level is too hard!!!1

[Gardy Looo]

Fill form for no reason NOW.

1. What is the name of the town the adventure will take place within? Spamley
2. What is the name of the country that town is located in? Annelidania (got from somewhere else, meh.)
3. What is your character's forename? Akuryou
4. What is your character's surname? Thirteen
5. Does your character have any other names? If not, skip to 7. Yes
6. If so, what are they? American Moron
7. Would you like a partner in the adventure? If not, skip to 13. Yes
8. if so, what would you like your partner in the adventure to have as a forename? Plasma
9. Do you know them well enough to know any other of their names? If not, you can't technically have a good relationship with this partner otherwise this trait would be in use. Skip to 13. Yes
10. If so, what is their surname? McIrish
11. Also if so, do they have any other names? If not, you have not made a good choice in which partner you wish to acquire. They are clearly not a fully-fledged Roman citizen. Skip to 13. Yes
12. If so, what are they? pr0gramm3r d00d (or something like that)
13. Would you like your character to eat? If not, skip to 15. Yes
14. If so, what is their favourite foodstuff? Fattening American junkfoods, anything else would be ridiculous.

I fully support the above list and approve it.

[WormGod]

Hey, who moved this dojo?
I WAS getting to all the fanfiction stuff (and writing IS a form of art) but stupid people are making their computers have syntax errors. :mad:

Here's a clue:
>|

because I want smart people to do all the inputs

[robowurmz]

> Ossett
> Great Britain
> Martyn
> Brown
> Yes
> Spadge
> No
> Yes
> Beer

[WormGod]

>Throw floppy out window.

Now please insert DISK 2 into your currently empty FLOPPY DISK DRIVE for more questions using our custom-tailored naming system.

> Ossett
> Great Britain
> Martyn
> Brown
> Yes
> Spadge
> No
> Yes
> Beer

Thank you for putting our custom-tailored naming system to use.
These names will not be used for the prologue, however, as this is a pre-set series of events.
WORMS - THE TEXT ADVENTURE may now commence.

~

PROLOGUE - PLATONIC DEVOTION

You find yourself all hunched up inside your trimmed Chesterfield coat, squirming solidly throughout the wind-guided rain of LOUISIANA. The overcast skies prevail for many a rarely-interupted session, enclosing the era in a dark, ineffable boundary.
You look up from your previous uninterest to the outskirts of Central NEW ORLEANS, bustling to its brim with shoppers and their corresponding magasins chics, but the late evening mist dims your sight enough to prevent their names and purposes from being seen at the moment. It's as if even the weather knows you are an outcast - the xenophobe's nightmare.
Sighing heavily due to this temporary inconveniece, you continue following the path of the kerb, hoping it'll take you somewhere of production.

After some further minutes of harsh travel, you catch sight of a unique protrusion from the suburban terraces. You stop, shivering on the spot. 'No... it couldn't be...' you think, contrary to reality. Confronting you as much as its immobility allows this, stands The House of The Rising Sun, as heard in the Bob Dylan cover of the traditonal song of your new country. You always thought it had remained a traditional myth; this revelation plus its neon sign, concisely denoting the building's contents, spins you sideways.
What do you do now? Bear in mind that last week's break-up with your lifelong soul mate has depressed you to the point of drunken lonliness. You could keep on walking, but your eyes steadily fixate to the double doors of this brothel.
What do you do?

> |

[robowurmz]

> Whip out that molotov you had saved for this purpose. Throw that molotov.

[Pickleworm]

Seriously?

>inventory
>x me
>x sign
>think about soulmate
>enter

[Liketyspli]

>drink beer

[Plasma]

> help

[Metal Alex]

>C:/ format

[robowurmz]

Yeah, we should play this like those old infocom games.

>inventory
>x me
>x sign
>think about soulmate
>enter


What he said.

[Plasma]

Here's a clue:
>|
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have never seen a text-based adventure requiring that to be inputted before the command.

[WormGod]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have never seen a text-based adventure requiring that to be inputted before the command.

The '|' represents the text cursor.
Plus, this is ony 1987. We're experimenting in these types of things here, so please get out of our electronic labratory for about twenty more years, okay?

[minute55]

Hey, who moved this dojo?

Because:No art.


Go in.

[Plasma]

The '|' represents the text cursor.
So why do you insist on having a > in the replies? If that were inputted, you'd get a "You are now in > Ossett".
It makes no sense, I say!

Plus, this is ony 1987.
Ten years too far, WormGod. Ten years at least (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_text-based_computer_games).


Plasma: being a perfectionist git since 1969.

[robowurmz]

I'm pretty sure there were text adventures on the Spectrum. Well, I had some. And my speccy was made in 1985, and it was one of the later ones too.
If we want to go back really far, I'd say '82 perhaps?

[WormGod]

I think you're all forgetting one thing.
iZii Productions is based in Perth. Down here in Oz, we're a lot more laid-back society (i.e. laid behind the times).

[Metal Alex]

The '|' represents the text cursor.
Plus, this is ony 1987. We're experimenting in these types of things here, so please get out of our electronic labratory for about twenty more years, okay?

Depending on the month, I could even not be born yet :p

ANYWAYS

>STATUS

[Pickleworm]

>C:/ format

You're not even trying

Also, uh

>hi
>help
(maybe >help will enlighten us on why nothing we try seems to work)

[Metal Alex]

You're not even trying

(maybe >help will enlighten us on why nothing we try seems to work)

My idea was reinstalling to see if it gets to work :p

[robowurmz]

But even to do that you'd have had to exit the game first.
And also written the format command properly too. :P

[yauhui]

>convert c: /fs:ntfs

[Plasma]

> quit

[Muzer]

> sudo aptitude install nethack
root's password:cheese
> nethack

[yauhui]

> sudo rm /System/Library/Extensions.kextcache
password:icanhascheezburger
> sudo kextcache -k /System/Library/Extensions/

[robowurmz]

> cd /usr/bin/games/
> sudo chmod +x teeworlds
root password: cheese
> ./teeworlds
Loading...

[Plasma]

> B:\
>CD modrequest
>lockthread.exe

[robowurmz]

> B:\
>CD modrequest
>lockthread.exe

*Presses Ctrl-C*
Kekeke.

[WormGod]

> B:\
>CD modrequest
>lockthread.exe

Man, ta guys.
You're the best.

Leave a man to go to Nottingham for a day, he comes back home, and he's disappointed because everything's boring and suck again. :mad:

Now shush while the computer processes the inputs.

[Muzer]

> B:\
>CD modrequest
>lockthread.exe
DOS sucks. Learn to use linux.

[minute55]

>Exit

Are you sure?[y/n]

Y

[robowurmz]

DOS sucks. Learn to use linux.

Some of us were. :P

>sudo apt-get remove ubuntu-desktop
root's password: cheese

After removal, 3876Kb of memory will be freed. Continue? [y/N]
>Y

No GUI for you! Of course, only if you were using ubuntu. In which case I might just remove GNOME. Or KDE. Or Fluxbox, whatever you were using.

[Muzer]

No GUI for you! Of course, only if you were using ubuntu. In which case I might just remove GNOME. Or KDE. Or Fluxbox, whatever you were using.

Heh, I use 4 window managers in my house come to think of it

KDE - on this PC

Xfce - I used to use it on my laptop, but I never use that any more, over:

jwm - Comes with puppy linux, I use it on my laptop

openbox - On the Wii

[robowurmz]

I havent tried jwm; is it good for low-performance laptops?

[Muzer]

I havent tried jwm; is it good for low-performance laptops?
Yes, god yes. I strongly recommend grabbing the latest build of puppy linux and trying that out. Puppy linux is a live distro, and a very live one at that. You don't even need to install it if you don't want to (though that is better than running it off a CD or a memory stick). You can save the system files and your own personal file in different places, with the system files being in a non-rewritable location if required, and even the personal files (you can get Puppy to save them onto a CD-R sequentially, so it saves the file onto the end of the last one in the still unburnt section of the disc.)

Puppy linux is very lightweight and full featured and very very intuitive at heart. I instantly saw how much better it was than Xubuntu when I tried it.

[Pickleworm]

Hey lets quick jerkin' off about linux or whatever and play the text adventure

I'm this close to saying the thread should be locked but I was really impressed with the first post so give WormGod like a day to post something

[WormGod]

Hey lets quick jerkin' off about linux or whatever and play the text adventure

I'm this close to saying the thread should be locked but I was really impressed with the first post so give WormGod like a day to post something

The computer that has all the text already written out has broken Internet at the moment.
Anyway, I was hoping I could keep this a weekly thing for Wednesdays (the unanimous day of Internate updates), but it seems that way this thread'd be walking along a knife edge of closingdom.
I'll enhance your suspense for now by saying that you will throw a Molotov cocktail, x yourself, and drink some beer.

[hdhdhd]

> Processing command "wait"
.
.
.
>No matches found, switching to Dr. Sbaitso for emotional problems.

>loading

>Hello, how are you today?
You: Oh crap, not again.
>How do you feel about that?

[SupSuper]

Oh no, it's the Emacs psychiatrist again. :(

[Vader]

>ping pong

Pinging pong with 32 bytes of data:

Reply from pong: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
Reply from pong: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
Reply from pong: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128
Reply from pong: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=128

Ping statistics for pong:
Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 4, Lost = 0 (0% loss),
Approximate round trip times in milli-seconds:
Minimum = 0ms, Maximum = 0ms, Average = 0ms

[hdhdhd]

Ponging ping...
.
.
.
Error
Critical malfuntion: creating:
command: blackhole
processing...
cre
a
t
e
doooooooooooooooooooooooooooo*vweeeeeeeerrrmmmm*
>super hedron collider activated.:eek: