My house is burning. Help me. [Archive]

philby4000

2 Jul 2007, 00:19

There's a very worrying metalic burning smell coming from the floor boards at the bottom of my stairs.

No sign of smoke yet.

Any ideas?

bloopy

2 Jul 2007, 00:31

Infrared goggles?

philby4000

2 Jul 2007, 00:37

Heat vision, surely, or does infa-red do that as well as night-vision?

Still, burning, by the by.

bloopy

2 Jul 2007, 01:01

Yeah, infrared does it. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thermographic_camera)

philby4000

2 Jul 2007, 02:04

Who knew.

Well, you did, but that's besides the point.

I saw a wild-life program where they shone an invisible infra-red light at a bunch of lions and recorded them with a special camera.

This is quite facsinating now that the source of the burning has been found and nutralised.

Squirminator2k

2 Jul 2007, 02:09

Well, as long as your house isn't on fire (which I initially might thought to be the case, but then you wouldn't come into OD to say "Help, my house is burning down and I am MINUTES FROM DEATH!!").

bloopy

2 Jul 2007, 02:32

This is quite facsinating now that the source of the burning has been found and nutralised.

Not going to elaborate on that? It can't be that boring! :p

philby4000

2 Jul 2007, 03:22

Old radiator in a little-used room leaked ever-so-slightly for a long time. Light fitting in room below slowly accumulated water. The fitting shorted, or arced or whatever, and slowly went crispy.

It was probably smouldering for a while, but the smell didn't quite permiate through the carpet untill a couple of hours ago.

Yeah, tomorrow we're doing some re-wiring. and possably some plumbing.:p

Pickleworm

2 Jul 2007, 03:39

>down
>look

Pigbuster

2 Jul 2007, 03:49

http://imgred.com/http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/DES/D834~Smokey-Bear-Only-You-Posters.jpg

Xinos

2 Jul 2007, 05:49

You could call the fire department?

Zero72

2 Jul 2007, 08:39

Thanks for your timely problem solving, Xinos! :p

philby4000

2 Jul 2007, 19:37

Over here it's more of a brigade than a department.

worMatty

2 Jul 2007, 19:56

An emergency service rather than a showroom.

FutureWorm

3 Jul 2007, 00:52

Thanks for your timely problem solving, Xinos! :p
Well, he's still got a point.

philby4000

3 Jul 2007, 02:11

Yes, let's bother the emergency services over a fairly minor electrical fault.

Generally you call 999 when there's actual visible fire, ash and smoke involved.

Or when your cat's climbed a tree.

You know, important stuff.

FutureWorm

3 Jul 2007, 20:52

So what exactly turned out to be the root cause?

philby4000

3 Jul 2007, 21:23

FutureWorm

3 Jul 2007, 21:32

i read thread good http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/3964/emotdohtr7.gif

Slick

4 Jul 2007, 23:57

CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! AND FAST! http://img379.imageshack.us/img379/6499/ahhh1gv.gif

BetongÅsna

25 Jul 2007, 00:48

For future reference, I suggest chopping off an arm. You'll forget about the fire for at least a little while.

Pickleworm

4 Aug 2007, 04:07

Well are you going to call the fire department or what.

Squirminator2k

6 Aug 2007, 03:24

We're too late. He's already dead.

Or... y'know... just not here.

AndrewTaylor

6 Aug 2007, 10:56

Yeah, infrared does it. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thermographic_camera)

Trust me on this: buying near-infrared imaging equipment can get you a lot of unwelcome attention from the American military.

Xinos

6 Aug 2007, 11:49

Trust me on this: buying near-infrared imaging equipment can get you a lot of unwelcome attention from the American military.

Why, are they looking too recruit personnel that is able to operate such equipment?

bonz

6 Aug 2007, 15:27

http://www.hoagieshouse.com/IR/

AndrewTaylor

6 Aug 2007, 15:50

Why, are they looking too recruit personnel that is able to operate such equipment?

No, they just know what nefarious ends it can be put to and routinely check up on anyone buying it in or from the US.

philby4000

6 Aug 2007, 15:55

We're too late. He's already dead.

Or... y'know... just not here.

I's a very slow fire.

It's roughly halfway up the stairs now.

bonz

6 Aug 2007, 18:07

I's a very slow fire.

It's roughly halfway up the stairs now.
You should contact your local library then. :-/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_fire

Pickleworm

7 Aug 2007, 04:25

I's a very slow fire.

It's roughly halfway up the stairs now.

Hrrm. Have you tried putting it out?

Slick

7 Aug 2007, 20:48

PHILYBY! YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRES!! :D
We don't need no waterl et the morther fudger born. :cool:

philby4000

7 Aug 2007, 22:11

Hrrm. Have you tried putting it out?

My arms now end in chared lumps.

THANKS.

(I sharpened them so I could type again.)

FutureWorm

7 Aug 2007, 22:41

:rolleyes: call the fire department

Pickleworm

8 Aug 2007, 00:35

Yeah, continue to ignore everyone's advice in this thread. Since you are unable to put the fire out yourself, call a trained professional.

Zero72

8 Aug 2007, 00:52

Tell ya what, let me lend you a hand. Gimme 3 days and I'll be right there for ya, man.

philby4000

8 Aug 2007, 19:48

Squirminator2k

8 Aug 2007, 20:38

The forum can be closed down now. We have our Best Poast Maekd.

Star Worms

9 Aug 2007, 01:16

You've got exatly 64 hours before I die of slow smoke inhaleation.

The slow Firebrigade are all busy in london, putting out peoples ciggaretes, muttering 'never again' and twitching.

I called the tiny firebrigade, but it turns out they're an obscure joke from Big Train.Don't worry, I planted a bomb in your house, which will blow the roof off and release all the fumes!:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:

Zero72

9 Aug 2007, 10:47

I'm back home. There was this big watery thing in the way.

Edit: Wait! I'll mail some of the water to you. Do you think it'd be there overnight if I paid enough for it?

MtlAngelus

9 Aug 2007, 12:43

Send it over e-mail dude. It's like, INSTANTANEOUS. :eek:

FutureWorm

9 Aug 2007, 17:22

throw your computer at the fire

Blinx

9 Aug 2007, 17:22

*puts "House Burning Down" by Jimi Hendrix on*

philby4000

9 Aug 2007, 19:02

Thanks, Starworms, nice save.

Unfortunately the hole in th roof isn't letting in enough rain to quench the slowfire.

I threw my computer in the fire,Angelus, it didn't apear to help.

Edit: D'oh! I should have opened up the attachment Zero sent me before I threw it.

I'm using the internet channel on my wii to type this. Unfortunately Nintendo didn't think to include suport for .wet files.

The fire seems to have sped up a little, as it's now only three steps from the top.

I cut the carpet off the top step, so that might thwart it for now.

And Dammit Blinx, this is serious. Stop mocking me with music.

Blinx

9 Aug 2007, 19:03

:(

How can you deny Hendrix? :(

MtlAngelus

9 Aug 2007, 19:20

I have an idea! Move close to the beach so you can get water more easily! :D

philby4000

9 Aug 2007, 19:24

Salt Water kills Trifids, not Slowfires.

It's gotten guite angry now, I think I Provoked it by cutting the carpet.

It seems to be trying for an alternate route via the walpaper.

thomasp

9 Aug 2007, 20:41

Either send an e-mail (hard as you've just thrown your computer into the fire) to someone who cares, or phone this number: 0118 999 881 999 119 725......3

Slick

9 Aug 2007, 23:00

Fire is hot.

MtlAngelus

9 Aug 2007, 23:02

Na-ah! Fire is not hot. Look.
*puts hand on fire*
DAMN, IT IS HOT! :(
Slick, I shall never doubt your genius again. :(

philby4000

10 Aug 2007, 17:24

Either send an e-mail (hard as you've just thrown your computer into the fire) to someone who cares, or phone this number: 0118 999 881 999 119 725......3
No amount of IT Crowd references will help me now.

Also, I've scraped the walpaper off, so I recon I've got this one licked.:)

MtlAngelus

10 Aug 2007, 17:29

But after it consumes the lower part of the house, won't that make the top half fall over the ashes of the first floor? Then you'll end up on a single floor house.

philby4000

10 Aug 2007, 17:36

Worse, I'm stuck in the attic room.

It'll be a bungalowlow.:eek:

By my estimation I've got somewhere between a week and three months to get this under control.

worMatty

10 Aug 2007, 23:40

> Look around

Paul.Power

11 Aug 2007, 11:06

You see a bucket

> TAKE BUCKET

... the next line will be obvious to people who've spent too much time on the Interwebs.

Zero72

11 Aug 2007, 11:35

Ye cannot get ye bucket

Paul.Power

11 Aug 2007, 12:15

Someone be stealin' it.

Squirminator2k

11 Aug 2007, 19:18

No They Be Stealin Mah Bukkit

Blinx

11 Aug 2007, 19:37

Wha bout teh Fooket?

Slick

19 Aug 2007, 22:20

Hey, I noticed that there is a lot of smoke coming from your house, Phil. I think it may be on fire. :confused:

Pickleworm

19 Aug 2007, 22:30

Holy ****

Get The **** Out Of There You Stupid Idiot

Zero72

20 Aug 2007, 04:53

Do you have any sand? I think sand is... well, it's... err, it's supposed to...

...Did you call the fire department?

philby4000

21 Aug 2007, 00:10

My nearest Department Store doen't have a Fire Department.:(

Star Worms

21 Aug 2007, 01:29

On a similar subject... this is where my greatgreatgrandparents lived:

http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/1287/34flaxtonterraceoa9.jpg

They'd moved before the WW2 bomb hit it though.

Pickleworm

21 Aug 2007, 06:21

I'm confused, is Philby's house going to be hit by a WW2 bomb?

AndrewTaylor

21 Aug 2007, 10:45

Maybe that's how the fire started.

Star Worms

21 Aug 2007, 21:29

I'm confused, is Philby's house going to be hit by a WW2 bomb?Yes .

philby4000

21 Aug 2007, 21:44

:eek: :eek: :eek:

MtlAngelus

22 Aug 2007, 06:45

Quick, Philby, hide under a table! That'll keep you safe.

Pigbuster

22 Aug 2007, 08:06

Geez, it's been nearly 2 months since it began.

Take a picture and send it to guinness world records, quick!

Zero72

22 Aug 2007, 09:04

Magnets! Really, really big magnets!

Slick

29 Aug 2007, 04:06

I'm pretty sure that bombs can cause fires. :confused:

Pickleworm

29 Aug 2007, 04:23

Get out of your house before you catch fire.

AndrewTaylor

29 Aug 2007, 10:00

I'm pretty sure that bombs can cause fires. :confused:

Yeah, but defibrillators can cause heart failure.

Star Worms

29 Aug 2007, 14:43

Looks like there's no option Philby...

You will have to take all your clothes off and perform a rain dance in public, with some other volunteers.

FutureWorm

29 Aug 2007, 20:15

Looks like there's no option Philby...

You will have to take all your clothes off and perform a rain dance in public, with some other volunteers.
i'll do it

philby4000

3 Sep 2007, 00:12

Thanks in no small part to mr Futureworm's experimental improvisational raindancing my house has been purged of Slowfire.

The resulting flooding destroyed london.

FutureWorm

3 Sep 2007, 00:55

Thanks in no small part to mr Futureworm's experimental improvisational raindancing my house has been purged of Slowfire.

The resulting flooding destroyed london.

i guess this is a good thing? not sure

Zero72

3 Sep 2007, 01:23

Ahh, London was asking for it.

MtlAngelus

3 Sep 2007, 03:47

Great, now who's going to host the olympics in 2012?
I say Futureworm hosts the olympics in his place since it was his fault.

FutureWorm

3 Sep 2007, 03:50

i could try but i'm not sure that i'm a big enough venue

Pickleworm

3 Sep 2007, 05:26

Has the fire left? Get out of the house if the fire has not left.

Pigbuster

3 Sep 2007, 06:36

For christsakes call the fire department already.

thomasp

3 Sep 2007, 10:51

For christsakes call the fire department already.
I thought he did, but they were too slow.

philby4000

4 Sep 2007, 18:43

I can't anymore.

The slow Firebrigade perished along with most of london.

The tiny firebrigade are still an obscure Big Train sketch.

KRD

6 Sep 2007, 03:31

Reading this thread feels so much like watching Lost in so many completely different, yet elaborate ways that I want no part in it.

Was the fire intentional? Who started it? Is it all merely a sociological experiment? Is it really us who are through the looking glass and not Philby?! Should we be content with our unsuccessful attempts at putting it out or is there more to life? Aliens?

Will it ever end... :confused:

Xinos

6 Sep 2007, 14:53

Was the fire intentional? Who started it? Is it all merely a sociological experiment? Is it really us who are through the looking glass and not Philby?! Should we be content with our unsuccessful attempts at putting it out or is there more to life? Aliens?

Will it ever end... :confused:

Just go with it :p

FutureWorm

7 Sep 2007, 03:27

Vader

9 Sep 2007, 19:36

Actually, it was Greedo but he had put the timer on. Just before the blaster fires, you can actually see the little flashes which indicate when to smile.

Slick

7 Oct 2007, 18:56

Doing some research for you, I discovered that water can actually put out a fire.:confused:
I hope this helps Phillby. :)

FutureWorm

7 Oct 2007, 19:22

Doing some research for you, I discovered that water can actually put out a fire.:confused:
I hope this helps Phillby. :)

Given how resistant this fire has been to everything else, I'd be a bit skeptical of the power of water.

Maybe try gasoline instead?

philby4000

7 Oct 2007, 22:03

Can I buy Gasoline at the fire department?

Pigbuster

8 Oct 2007, 00:37

Hey, wasn't the fire put out? :confused:

Thanks in no small part to mr Futureworm's experimental improvisational raindancing my house has been purged of Slowfire.

FutureWorm

8 Oct 2007, 00:43

Hey, wasn't the fire put out? :confused:
yeah, but there's no way of knowing for sure whether the fire is 100% gone (philby can you investigate this for me)

philby4000

8 Oct 2007, 16:47

The fire is gone, but I fear it's return is inevitable.

This time I will be ready.:mad:

Slick

12 Apr 2008, 05:12

AHHH!
FIRE?!
I HOPE YOUR OK! :eek:
STOP. DROP. DINNER ROLL.

Zero72

12 Apr 2008, 09:34

hOLY COW call the fire department

MtlAngelus

12 Apr 2008, 10:05

Call Batman!

SupSuper

12 Apr 2008, 12:30

Quick place a lot of Fire markers around your house!

philby4000

12 Apr 2008, 17:04

Okay okay, the fire's turned a kind of blueish green now.

I think I may have a gas leak.:eek:

Paul.Power

12 Apr 2008, 21:54

Okay okay, the fire's turned a kind of blueish green now.

I think I may have a gas leak.:eek:

That or your house has a lot of copper in it.

Squirminator2k

15 Apr 2008, 23:58

I think I may have a gas leak.:eek:

How do I get out of this chickens**t outfit?

Traxada

18 Apr 2008, 18:06

So did he die in this fire or what?

Star Worms

18 Apr 2008, 18:29

I can only assume that the house burnt down around him, leaving him sitting at his computer surrounded by uninflammable objects.