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tgworm
4 Mar 2007, 14:37
Well here it is. A story, written by me, but with help from you all. I have written the begging so feel free to comment. I will write a section every so often and add it to the story. I am going to select a few forumers' sigworms to travel with the main pair so please say why you think you are suited to help guide them on their travels. I will edit the first post every time I write more. Please suggest things to go in the story and I will seriously consider everything that's thrown at me. So let's embark on our journey:)

MrBunsy
4 Mar 2007, 14:46
.doc? Better format please! RTF or TXT! :p
Mmm, it's an unusual style of writing, but not enough of it for me to make much of a judgement yet, I'm afraid, still setting the scene and whatnot. I'll wait and see where you take it.
Oh, and you can throw ol' Bunsy into it if you can use him. Slow, wears stripey woolly jumpers and hats, takes 10 minutes longer than everyone else to work out what's going on, could hold comic value.

Alien King
4 Mar 2007, 15:08
http://forum.team17.co.uk/showpost.php?p=359467&postcount=170
As Bunsy said, make it a better file type. .TXT is preferable.

tgworm
4 Mar 2007, 15:18
*File type changed* OK AK, and MrBunsy should be able to play a good role in the group, I'll probably add you guys.
Edit: Isn't it quite hard to read in TXT format as it opens it in wordpad?

Melon
4 Mar 2007, 15:36
Not if you set it out like this it isn't. Make sure you write the story in notepad too, otherwise you may get some strange stuff appearing like that one does.

Alien King
4 Mar 2007, 15:41
*File type changed* OK AK, and MrBunsy should be able to play a good role in the group, I'll probably add you guys.
Edit: Isn't it quite hard to read in TXT format as it opens it in wordpad?
Write it in Wordpad or Notepad. Then you'll have no trouble.

MrBunsy
4 Mar 2007, 15:45
*File type changed* Thanks.
You can open a text file in hundreds of programmes, even Word if you want. Windows just defaults to notepad, and for writing like this it's probably a more than adequate tool actually.

tgworm
4 Mar 2007, 15:51
*First post changed once more* Ok so any more comments on my introduction before I proceed?

Metal Alex
4 Mar 2007, 16:12
Add me around, if you want. One more thing, try to make the characters talk as their sigworms would do. I have some serious doubts that Splapp could be any serious... Just look at the EOL comic. Slick is just fine like that, and I couldn't imagine Cisken being the bad guy... Unless he thinks he's still at war :p
Appart from that, the idea is quite great!! I hope this goes nicely.
EDIT: ooops... my sigworm... (http://forum.team17.co.uk/showpost.php?p=548895&postcount=1098)

Plasma
4 Mar 2007, 16:29
Add me.
If you don't know my sigwrom, then don't bother.

tgworm
4 Mar 2007, 20:15
Story Updated!! Afraid I had to save as .doc again. Comment away!

Metal Alex
4 Mar 2007, 20:16
Use notepad... :p
And I think it's going a bit serious... and Slick shouldn't be so serious, I think...

tgworm
4 Mar 2007, 20:17
Use notepad... :p
I tried but I hate it, and i'm sure most the forumer's can open a .doc document.:-/
And I think it's going a bit serious... and Slick shouldn't be so serious, I think...
Don't worry, I wanted things to start out in a serious tone but it will lighten up soon enough. I have got a kind of plan but I still would like any suggestions!:p

Alien King
4 Mar 2007, 21:12
I tried but I hate it, and i'm sure most the forumer's can open a .doc document.:-/
Yes, if we wait for the required program to load, crash, load again and then quite possibly crash for a third time. Especially those of us who havn't bothered getting something better.
Use wordpad or notepad. It's much better.

Melon
4 Mar 2007, 21:33
Once you've written it in word, all you have to do is copy and paste it into Notepad, it's not much effort at all. Like so.
P.S. I like spaces between each paragraph on Notepad, but that's just me.

kikumbob
4 Mar 2007, 22:40
Aha, another forum story. Third time lucky?

MrBunsy
5 Mar 2007, 09:45
I tried but I hate it, and i'm sure most the forumer's can open a .doc document.:-/I would like to point out I'm not running windows :p I can open .docs in Open Office, I think, but I'd rather use something supported properly instead.
Aha, another forum story. Third time lucky?
Heh, pity you never finished the first two. I liked them.

tgworm
5 Mar 2007, 11:27
OK,ok points taken. More comments about the actuall story though:p
Once you've written it in word, all you have to do is copy and paste it into Notepad, it's not much effort at all. Like so.
.
I did that the first time and it came out with all that crap in it.

kikumbob
5 Mar 2007, 17:51
Right now? The story has about the momentum of a teathered cabbage. There isn't much for us to hold on to. An assortment of worms is discussing recruitment for a courageous and dangerous adventure, and then get a nasty shock at the sight of Alien King. Whats new?:rolleyes:
Perhaps if you wrote some more story it would help get into it a bit more. Its generally nicer to have about half a chapter to read on every installment. You can get alot into half a chapter and half-chapter sub-plots are always so much fun to do!...

Metal Alex
5 Mar 2007, 18:01
Kikumbob is right. The intro seems too rushed. in that tiny space you added Cisken, Slick, Splapp, and AK...
also:
edifice -> building.
EDIT: An introduction about how Slick and Splapp knew about the robbery, and them acting natural before being serious, would make the plot have a nice introduction for both. Like Slick hitting on a girl, failing, or Splapp eating an onion... Or Cisken using Army weapons to get the blueprints. You know what I mean...

*Splinter*
5 Mar 2007, 18:11
The Forum Story
It was early April. The weather was bleak and rather dismal. Birds called in a seemingly unusual way above an old and worn down building. In a locked cellar beneath the building, two worms were discussing their plan of action.
"Cisken has taken the blueprints for the detonator to the Guard on the Western District. He must be stopped or the world of worms will be nothing but a pleasant memory," spoke one of the worms. He was a smart looking, clean character going by the name of Slick.
"You don't understand, to go to the Western District is certain suicide! We will not make twenty miles and you are asking almost double that. It cannot be done."
This time it was a slightly not so smart worm with what appeared to be a knife lodged in the back of his skull, his name was Splapp.
"It can and will! If we do not proceed, we will be erased from the face of this world. We shall pick a small number of others to join us."
“Who? I cannot think of anyone dumb, strong, fit etcetera to accompany us!” Splapp’s voice took a much more frantic tone this time.
“Dumb? DUMB?!? This journey is not for the dumb, this journey is suited for the judicious and the courageous amongst us, for those who want to return with glory and honour. I can think of one in particular.”
After at least another hour of discussing, the pair left the old edifice. They headed for a small flat. They walked along beside old, run-down cottages and small broken down cars. The person who they were after was a worm named Alien King.
“Don’t worry, Alien King is renowned for courage and efficiency, we need him on our team, he is a great ally and will come in handy,” Slick reassured Splapp.
“He’s mad!! He’s psychotic, how can we ask him to join us on our endeavours?”
“You have a habit of looking at the dark side of people don’t you!” The pair knocked thrice on Alien King’s door and he opened, the pair were shocked at what they saw...
I took the liberty of correcting the errors for you :) Not a bad start so far, but as others said, not much to go on
Feel free to add me :) Im a Splinter Cell worm so a spy for the bad (or good) guys usually works

*Splinter*
5 Mar 2007, 18:12
EDIT: An introduction about how Slick and Splapp knew about the robbery, and them acting natural before being serious, would make the plot have a nice introduction for both. Like Slick hitting on a girl, failing, or Splapp eating an onion... Or Cisken using Army weapons to get the blueprints. You know what I mean...
IMHO, the style of starting as things are getting going, then working back around the events already taken place (assuming this happens), is not a problem

_Kilburn
5 Mar 2007, 18:21
Yeah, that's not a bad start. Can you add me (http://forum.team17.co.uk/showpost.php?p=542866&postcount=1087) ? :p
Oh, and please don't forgot the damn _ !!

tgworm
5 Mar 2007, 18:30
(assuming this happens), is not a problem
It doesn't, :p Cheers for all the tips. MA, I am going to keep the intro as it is but don't worry it picks up soon. I don't think it introduces too many charactars, too quickly because that is how it is.
*Story Updated*

*Splinter*
5 Mar 2007, 18:35
*Story Updated*
No it isnt?

tgworm
5 Mar 2007, 19:07
OH NO!! I WROTE ANOTHER ENTIRE PAGE AND NOW I'VE LOST IT.....B***OCKS. I will re-write it later:rolleyes:
EDIT: Story Updated

kikumbob
5 Mar 2007, 20:06
Could I be God please?
On an extremely unrelated note, a twig just hit my window.

Bolton
6 Mar 2007, 07:46
Can I be the villain?

tgworm
6 Mar 2007, 10:00
Can I be the villain?
Ahem....Villain already appointed.

Alien King
6 Mar 2007, 16:39
Can I suggest you try and get the text to fit your screen a little better. I dislike having to scroll all the time.
Other than that... it could be worse. But you do rush it, take a lot more time on it and really develop things.

kikumbob
6 Mar 2007, 18:22
Can I suggest you try and get the text to fit your screen a little better. I dislike having to scroll all the time.
Other than that... it could be worse. But you do rush it, take a lot more time on it and really develop things.
Go to format and check "word wrap"

tgworm
6 Mar 2007, 19:08
Go to format and check "word wrap"
I did...
..........

Alien King
6 Mar 2007, 19:25
Go to format and check "word wrap"
Dammit, I thought I had it on.

tgworm
6 Mar 2007, 19:46
Dammit, I thought I had it on.
Lol, yeh u should do that. Bearing in mind I have alot to write in this story and it's all up in my head it's quite hard to spend ages describing specific things etc.

Paul.Power
6 Mar 2007, 19:54
That's actually not that bad. A bit odd in places, but credit where it's due. Keep it up :).

kikumbob
6 Mar 2007, 20:14
Dammit, I thought I had it on....well it never actually fails at its job so if the words werent wrapped then it wasnt on...

tgworm
6 Mar 2007, 20:49
That's actually not that bad. A bit odd in places, but credit where it's due. Keep it up :).
Why thank-you. You may well take up some kind of role here soon;)

MrBunsy
6 Mar 2007, 21:03
Looks promising.
I'm eager to see where this leads now :)
Bunsy's not a million miles from the real me either :P

tgworm
6 Mar 2007, 21:05
Looks promising.
I'm eager to see where this leads now :)
Bunsy's not a million miles from the real me either :P
Yeh, I tried to capture (and am still doing so) it as much as possible to your profile etc.

kikumbob
6 Mar 2007, 21:22
Heh, I had terrible trouble sticking to profiles. So your doing better than me in that respect.

tgworm
6 Mar 2007, 21:24
Heh, I had terrible trouble sticking to profiles. So your doing better than me in that respect.
It's a hard job;)
*Story Updated Slightly*

twoapenny
6 Mar 2007, 21:44
Lol, yeh u should do that. Bearing in mind I have alot to write in this story and it's all up in my head it's quite hard to spend ages describing specific things etc.
Get a mind map down on paper so that you dont forget your plot, then work on expanding your descriptions (don't spend ages on one description though, otherwise we'll get bored =P). Add more senses in other than just sight, us audience like to be able to empathise with the characters.
It's a good start, but, as mentioned before, don't make things happen too quickly, space the events out.
I'm liking it so far ;)

Bolton
7 Mar 2007, 04:58
tgworm? Who can I be? A anti-hero, a whimpering servent? I just wanna be in the story. (I love boxing, so if I am in it, please make me wear boxing gloves)

tgworm
7 Mar 2007, 15:25
:rolleyes: tgworm? Who can I be? A anti-hero, a whimpering servent? I just wanna be in the story.
Umm, I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the help Twoapenny!;)

WormOfFire
9 Mar 2007, 13:46
Hehe...i like how this story sounds. :)
Oh,and can i be in it? :p

tgworm
9 Mar 2007, 21:34
More story coming soon. Promise. I've just been really caught up in all this comic hoo-haa

tgworm
15 Mar 2007, 18:29
Sorry, it's been a while but at last, the words you all have been so desperate to hear.
*Story Updated*

GrimOswald
16 Mar 2007, 00:59
Hmm, this has potential, but in my opinion there are two main problems as of now.
Number one is that it feels hectic, rushed. When I say that, I don't just mean introducing all these characters so quickly. I mean the way it's written gives me the impression you're trying to fit ten pages into one. It all seems very random. This makes it rather unexciting, and a struggle to read.
Number two is that if you changed Slick's name into something like Bob, I would never have known who he was supposed to be. Ever. Ever. Ever. Even knowing that he was supposed to be someone here. I really can't identify anyone with their sigworms or even themselves. Right now personality is almost non-existent, all I'm getting is that everyone seems to have a very short fuse. This is a large part of why everything seems so random.
As I said, I do think this has potential though, so keep it up.

tgworm
18 Mar 2007, 13:10
Hmm, this has potential, but in my opinion there are two main problems as of now.
Number one is that it feels hectic, rushed. When I say that, I don't just mean introducing all these characters so quickly. I mean the way it's written gives me the impression you're trying to fit ten pages into one. It all seems very random. This makes it rather unexciting, and a struggle to read.
Number two is that if you changed Slick's name into something like Bob, I would never have known who he was supposed to be. Ever. Ever. Ever. Even knowing that he was supposed to be someone here. I really can't identify anyone with their sigworms or even themselves. Right now personality is almost non-existent, all I'm getting is that everyone seems to have a very short fuse. This is a large part of why everything seems so random.
As I said, I do think this has potential though, so keep it up.
I see, alot to take in there.

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